Making You Feel Safe Since 2001

Airport security, even in the Post-9/11 era, has never exactly been stellar. Sure, all kinds of new policies have been put in place, and, sure, there's been a whole slew of new Government bureaucracies and programs; but there's a difference between real security and 'feel-good' security. A lot of what we've seen Post-9/11 has been of the 'feel-good' variety, and this new security scanner is just another great example.

Apparently what it does is screen right through your clothes down to the contours of your skin to try and detect any concealed weapons or explosives you might have. As I read this, two problems immediately jumped to mind. First, this device, as you might have noticed, is being used to detect 'concealed' weapons. Here's a hint for the TSA folks, the normal, old fashioned metal detectors that we already have, don't detect guns by taking pictures. What they do is, when you pass through with a metallic item on you, they buzz. In other words, it's not the being-in-plain-sight part that makes metal detectors spot guns, it's the metal part. This metal part is noticed by a metal detector EVEN IF ITS UNDERNEATH YOUR CLOTHES!!! So, basically, you don't need a snazzy new machine to prevent concealed weapons from making it through airports - the one's you have will already do that.

The second thing that strikes me as odd about this is how dumb they assume these terrorists are. Look, are Islamic radicals nutjobs? Absolutely. But are they morons? No, because if they were, stopping them wouldn't be this much of a problem. A terrorist is not going to just bring a gun to the airport and strap it under his leg, hoping to get through security. That's what movie villains do, not real ones. The way Islamic Radicals accomplish plane hijackings is not by smashing the system to bits, but by taking advantage of it. On 9/11, those box cutters were brought onto the planes in an entirely LEGAL fashion. Remember that plot to blow up 8 planes over the Atlantic that was busted up last summer? The water bottles they were going to bring the stuff onto the planes in, were entirely legit. Indeed, as much as we'd like them to be, terrorists are not Arnold Schwarzenegger. They don't come out with guns blazing, trying to take airports by force. No, the terrorists prefer subtler, more elusive ways of getting onto a plane in order to blow it up.

Furthermore, during the trial period, the only time the new scanner will be used is if the passenger agrees to do so. Since, apparently, the terrorists, who are coming to the airport with guns hidden underneath their clothes trying to sneak through metal detectors, are going to ask to be screened by this new device. Way to go U.S Government!! That's how to get inside a terrorist's head and anticipate his next move!! Seriously, they've decided to test this device's ability to nab ruthless terrorists by seeing how much it scares the freaking old guy who forgot to take his keys out of his pocket before going through security. Simply brilliant.

Of course, this new device is not really meant to nab terrorists; for all their shortcomings, I have a feeling that most of the people running the TSA know this. What it will do, however, is make people feel safe. Scared of terrorists blowing up your plane? No worries, there's a device at the airport which can find weapons even when you try to hide them under your clothes. See? When you say it that way, it's comforting. Isn't it?

Alas, real airport security won't come until we stop kidding ourselves about worthless TSA procedures. The terrorists have very flexible methods of attack; consequently, what we need are flexible methods to respond. What we need is security measures like the Israelis have, not the 500 year-old granny who makes sure the name on my Driver's Licence matches the one on my plane ticket every time I fly out of Myrtle Beach International.

And certainly not some new scanner that just, well, doesn't really do anything to make my ass any safer.