Stop Global Warming! Go Cow Tipping...?

Global Warming, as we all know, is happening. It's happening right now. It's all you and your evil SUV's fault. It's also happening so fast that the whole State of Florida is going to be underwater, soon. All the experts agree! Seriously, be afraid, be very afraid! Oh, and it's also all George Bush's fault! Well, at least that's the message of Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth, which I was unfortunate enough to have to watch for a Political Science class not too long ago.

(***Note to anyone thinking of seeing the movie!!!*** It's basically an extremely boring 2-hour Powerpoint presentation just without any cool animations or good background music. Also, it's interspersed with totally irrelevant personal stuff, Al Gore still whining about the 2000 Election, and, well, I'm not sure, I fell asleep and missed the ending.) (Yes, it's that bad.)

However, some rather interesting new research has come out that may be a bit, um, inconvenient, for Al Gore and other global warming fanatics. Apparently, cows, yes cows, emit more CO2 annually than "cars, planes and all other forms of transport put together." Yes, that's right; cows cause more global warming than evil gas guzzlers.

Excuse me for a moment - I'm going into spasms I'm laughing so hard.

Seriously, how much longer do we have to listen to all these doomsayers who keep telling us to watch out for global warming? I mean, if cows produce more CO2 than us humans, how exactly are we to account for, say the Oceans (which emit huge amounts of CO2), or volcanic eruptions (which also emit large amounts CO2)? Should we drain the Atlantic and put a gigantic stopper in Mount St. Helens?

Indeed, for me, the biggest problem I have with folks like Al Gore is not so much that they claim Global Warming exists, on this issue there's never been much doubt, but that they claim we as humans are most responsible for it. The way Al Gore tells it in An Inconvenient Truth; you'd think there was absolutely no other cause of global warming besides humans, an assertion which is certifiably wrong. So here's my solution, next time someone complains about me driving my Suburban and how that "causes global warming;" I'll go to the nearest farm and shoot the first cow I see. This will not only help the environment, but it will provide me with a nice steak for dinner as well!